Now it hurts much more
by Amelia The Unicorn
Summary: Santana is hurting because of her mother's death, Quinn is there to help her. But when her constantly drinking father loses it, can she help her? Will Santana let her? -Rated M for a reason, I guess. Death, Rape, (poorly written smut if that counts). See all warnings inside.
1. Nothing hurts more than losing

**A/N: This fic is going to be angsty in the beginning but in a later chapter this is going to contain graphic rape and abuse. In the first chapters, coping with death, and also smut. Can't stomach it, don't read it. And if you don't like it, but the warnings didn't stop you. Not my fault.**  
**I'm not very good at writing smut, that's why I try to make those things short. First time for me to write a multichapter fic, but it's not going to be long. -End of A/N, they're not gonna get shorter.-**

**Santana is in a relationship with Quinn. *Though none of the characters belong to me.* (But spelling and grammar mistakes do indeed belong to me.)  
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**Now it hurts much more**

She is sitting crumbled up in her bed, alone, sobbing, because crying became too painful two days ago. Yes, she had been crying since the doctors told her that her mother left them four days ago.

She hasn't talked to anyone since, not Quinn, because she shouldn't see her in this condition. No one should, because Santana just couldn't bear the questions, the looks, the comments and her friends being extremely worried about her. Santana couldn't be looking _weak_.

Not her father, basically because he was in denial himself and he wouldn't come out of his office anyways. He locked himself up, with five bottles of scotch and several pictures of his wife.

Santana didn't answer any of the 20 phone calls she became daily. But then, when the doorbell rang, she struggled. But she didn't move, hoping whoever this was would let it go after ringing once. But they didn't. After the sixth ring, she got up, slowly, stretching herself after three days of hardly moving. When she walked past a mirror, she nearly jumped at how horrible she looked, but right now, she couldn't care less.

When she looked through the small window at the door, she saw Quinn standing on the doorstep. Quinn, her wonderful, caring and beautiful girlfriend.

'I can't face her like this' Santana thought to herself and wanted to walk upstairs again. But the bell rang once again and this time she heard a low voice speaking.

"Santana, I know you're there. Would you please open up the door and let me come inside?"

She heard the concern in the blonde's voice, yet, it wasn't really a question, so she went back to the door and opened it, trying not to look at Quinn directly.

Without saying a word she dragged herself over to the living room couch and settled in the same position she was in on her bed. Santana has never been a talker. About feelings, that is. Because Santana didn't _do_ feelings. Except in her relationship with Quinn, still, there she didn't have to _talk_ about it.

But sooner or later she had to talk about it. And she was aware of that this wouldn't happen without her lashing out.

Quinn lifted Santanas' legs up and laid them over her lap. She gently stroked her thigh and waited for the other girl to talk. It wasn't until Quinn heard the roaring of Santana's stomach, that Quinn spoke up.

"What's wrong? Since when haven't you eaten and where are your parents?"

She cupped the raved haired girls' cheek and tried to get her to look her in the eyes. But she continued avoiding her look.

Eventually she answered "I don't know... Two days maybe. He's upstairs, hasn't come out in two days..."

But that wasn't what Quinn wanted to know. She needed to know what was wrong with her usually erratic girlfriend. So she tried again.

"Honey, what. Is. Wrong?"

Santana's body tensed up and she started crying. Again. And it hurt badly, but she couldn't stop. "_Everything_ is wrong!" She choked out between sobs.

Quinn had no idea what was going on, but she knew something horrible must have happened. Santana never cried in front of her. She was a wreck.

"Okay, _tell me_ what happened, otherwise I _can't_ help you." She said with nothing but concern in her voice. She grabbed one of the Latina's hands, interlacing their fingers.

Santana fought a little, trying to shake off the blonde's hand. "She is _dead_, okay?" Santana said, louder than both of them had expected. "She's gone, my Mama is gone." Tears were streaming down her face now.

That was the first time she said it out loud. Quinn was startled. She didn't know what to say. How come no one told her? How come _Santana_ didn't tell her? "Sweety, why wouldn't you tell me? I could've helped-" "_How_? What could you have _possibly_ done to help?" Santana said sternly.

"I could have at least _been_ there for you. Supporting you and your dad. Santana, it hurts to know that you don't trust me enough to tell me about this immediately."

She looked at the blonde as if she said something really confusing. "_You_ don't get to be hurt, Q." Santana said, pulling her hand out of her girlfriends'. "You know, I'm sorry for not wanting to be a pain in the neck with my crying." The raven haired girl wanted to get up, but Quinn held her tight by the legs.

"San, no, please just... just talk to me now." Santana looked at Quinn and nodded. "Okay, but I want to eat and drink something first." Quinn smiled because she knew that her girlfriend was going to start talking, finally.

The blonde got up and told Santana with a simple hand movement to not get up. "What do you want?" The other girl just shrugged in response and Quinn rolled her eyes as she walked into the kitchen to fix something to eat.

She made some extra strong coffee for her and Santana - simply because there was nothing else Santana liked, and she knew they'd both need it - and made a sandwich for the other girl, since she knew Santana wouldn't be eating much more than that.

When she came back to the living room, Santana was sitting on the couch like Quinn had left her, though her hair were pulled up properly and somehow her face looked a little more alive than before.

When the blonde placed the plate and the coffee cups on the table, she waited for Santana to finish before she started questioning her.

Surprisingly no questions were needed and the latina started telling the story.  
"Five days ago, on saturday, my dad and I had an argument - well basically he was screaming at me because I wrote a C in our last history test. And, I snapped because - you know how I get, when I get yelled at for no valuable reason. And then there was my mum, trying to calm both of us down, but neither of us did. Then the next things I remember only in parts. My mum fell to the ground and everything was quiet in one instant and in the other it was even louder than before. The ambulance came and took us all to the hospital and then I woke up in a hospital room, with my mum not responding to my questions." Santana took a deep breath and swallowed hard before continuing. Quinn realized what was about to come and she grabbed her girlfriend's hand once again.

"M-my dad was also there and he looked like he had been crying for too long. He told me that she had been placed in an artificial coma, because of some kind of brain tumor which damaged her brain too much already..." Santana was staring into nothing and tried to recall what exactly her dad said, but everything was just too blurry.

"I can't remember everything he said. Anyways, after, there was happening much around me, I just didn't pay much attention. I prayed, Quinn, I prayed with all my heart-..." Quinn knew this was her cue and she took the fragile girl and clasped her arms around her. Trying to calm her down as much as possible, by just being there for her. Quinn didn't find any words that could possibly be appropriate to say, she also knew they wouldn't have helped Santana very much.

"She didn't wake up... Dad decided to interrupt the machines that kept her alive, if that's what she was..." Santana finished whispering.

And that's how they sat for, what felt like hours. Santana was beyond happy she'd told Quinn everything.

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Yeah, so that was chapter one... Hope it was okay, and reviews always make happy and encourage. :)


	2. Darling, I love you

**A/N: That's that... Uhm. Little smut thingie I was talking about. Just a filler and I'm writing on the next chapter already. Thanks for reading so far.**

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**Now it hurts much more - Chapter 2**

Santana stayed home for the rest of the week. When she went back, it seemed everyone knew about what happened. Though Quinn somehow managed to keep the Glee-kids in line, because no one was overly questioning.

Her father also came out of his office and started working again, yet they didn't talk.

As soon as she wasn't surrounded by people anymore, Santana still seemed as mentally unstable as it can get. She still broke down frequently and cried herself to sleep almost on a regular basis, but the difference was that Quinn was there to help her, to hold her when she felt like she was breaking down and to lay with her until she was sound asleep.

Quinn asked her mother if she could stay at Santana's house, and since Judy had always adored Santana, she gladly allowed it.

On friday, the two girls were going to be alone until saturday morning, because Santana's dad always worked late on Fridays and was off the rest of the weekend.

They came home after glee practice and Santana was a little irritated because they wanted to talk her into letting them sing at her mom's funeral.

Basically she wasn't angry at Quinn, but she was the only one around who she could take it out on. So she started yelling at the blonde, who didn't react to it.

When they were upstairs in her room, Quinn had already changed into her pyjamas and sat at the edge of the bed, watching her girlfriend walking out of the bathroom. They didn't say anything and Quinn couldn't bear the silence. "Santana, do you need anything? You haven't been talking much about... it." She finished off the sentence very quietly.

Santana didn't respond and continued looking for something in her dresser next to the bed. Suddenly she steadied herself forward on the dresser, breathing heavily. The slightly taller girl stood up and was behind her immediately and wrapped her arms around the dark-haired girl. When she heard another shaky breath escaping the other girl's mouth, Quinn tightened her grip around her waist. Santana's legs buckled and Quinn had to hold up her and the other girl's weight. Quinn slowly lowered herself down to the floor, pulling Santana with her.

Once again Santana started sobbing into the blonde's shoulder, though this time it didn't last as long as the times before. She wiped the tears away from her face with the back of her hand, smiled shyly and glanced at Quinn's lips for a little too long.

Without question, Quinn had felt needy for the past two weeks - nothing but small pecks on the cheek - but not by any means she was going to push Santana.

The dark-haired girl cupped Quinn's face and pullied her into a sweet, badly needed kiss. When the blonde felt the familiar warmth of Santana's tongue in her mouth, she felt much better than she had before.

Santana broke the kiss to get up from the floor and pulled Quinn after her, just to push her back on the bed again. Santana straddled the blonde and didn't hesitate a second to take her tank top off. She slowly kissed down Quinn's neck and bit down on her collar-bone, causing a low whimper from the blonde. She thrusted her hand straight into Quinn's soaked underwear and smirked at the moan she got as a response. Santana swiped through her dripping folds and soon Quinn's eagerness showed. The blonde started moving her hips against Santana's hand, greedy for release.

As much as Santana liked teasing her girlfriend, she was pretty horny herself and she came closer just watching Quinn worked up like that. So she decided she wasn't going to let her wait any longer.

"Touch me..." The dark-haired girl asked sweetly and Quinn obliged gladly. As soon as she started, Santana knew she wouldn't last long.

Santana pushed two fingers inside the writhing girl underneath her and started circling her bundle of nerves also in a steady pace. When Santana lifted her head, Quinn had squeezed her eyes shut and she was breathing shallowly.

She smirked and whispered into the blonde's ears "Look at me, Q."

And a few seconds later she looked into hazel eyes that had darkened with desire and pleaded her for release. Quinn's body tensed and Santana felt her own release building up. Quinn clasped the bed sheets with one hand and worked faster with the other.

With one last thrust she pushed her over the edge and involuntary spasms shot through her body. When Quinn moaned 'Santana' she also collapsed over the blonde.

And that's how they laid for the rest of the night. Eventually they entwined their fingers, but didn't bother to change positions, because that's how they felt comfortable and that's how they felt _safe_.

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Yeah, thanks again for reading, guys. :)


	3. Papa, please don't

**So, here's chapter 3. Now, this is the chapter where I ask you not to read, if you can't read rape themes. I'll warn you again: graphic rape. Anyways, I hope this is written in an acceptable way.**

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The next morning the two girls had been woken up by the buzzing of Quinn's phone. The blonde answered it, her voice sounding sore. Santana placed light kisses across the skin of her girlfriend and looked at Quinn's facial expression, while trying to stifle a moan. But when she reached her earlobe, and bit down on it, she couldn't contain it.

"Mmh. -Uhm, Ma, I just hit my... uh toe, really bad on the... bed post..." "Yes, I'll be there later. Okay, bye Mum." She finished, laying her cell on the dresser and glancing at Santana who was now innocently laying on her chest.

"San, I have to go to some kind of meeting my mum was invited to. I'll be back in the evening, okay?" Quinn rubbed Santana's back and looked at her concerned.

"Yeah, of course. I will find something I can busy myself with." Santana grinned.

"Great. So, you want to let me get up, because I have to be done in an hour. And if she sees me like this... Oh boy, she wouldn't let me come over here without two bodyguards on my side, anymore." Quinn chuckled nervously, because one part of her knew, her mother was that crazy.

"Can we at least take a shower together?" The raven haired girl asked pouting.

Quinn hated saying no to her, especially about things like that. "You know what's going to happen in there, Tana. We won't be able to stop..."

"Fine, but promise me, we'll take one later when you come home, okay?" Santana asked like a child, while getting up from Quinn.

The blonde got up from the bed and stretched herself, while Santana just watched her perfect shape moving. Until she heard a dull thump and Quinn was cursing while holding her foot.

"Fuck, that freaking bedpost!"

Santana bursted out laughing and said "That's what you get, Lucy Q!"

"Ow, crap, shut up Santana!" Quinn still cursed, but also started laughing involuntarily, while walking towards the bathroom.

"Whoa! Language, Q." She cat-called at her.

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After half an hour Quinn was done, wearing a dark blue, simple, yet classy dress with her hair perfectly straightened with a color-coordinated hair ribbon.

"Alright, so I have to go now, and finish off the make up at my house." Quinn said, grabbing her bag and walking down the stairs with Santana.

"You look perfect, Q. See you later." The dark-haired girl said proudly and gave her girlfriend a light kiss on the lips.

"Thanks, see you." She answered, hurrying away, towards her own house.

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Now that Quinn was gone this day was going to be particularly long and boring. She was hungry, but she decided to take a shower first of all.

She went into the shower and just let the water run over her for a good amount of time. Then she took the shower gel her mother always used, covered her whole body with it and inhaled the smell of it.

She did the same with the shampoo.

And she smiled happily, because in those few minutes so many beautiful memories came back to her mind, and she knew, whatever happened, she would always find _herself_ through them again.

She got out of the shower and felt like a new person. Santana put on her bra and panties, turned up her music and started singing along.

While singing to a really old Rihanna song, she combed and straightened her hair.

And when she was finally finished in the bathroom, she pulled out some black skinny-jeans, a white shirt and a leather jacket.

Santana decided she looked hot enough for just sitting around at home and went downstairs, to eat some cereal.

It already was nearly 2 P.M. which means, she just spent about two hours in the bathroom.

"Who eats cereal at 2 P.M?" The raven haired girl mumbled to herself and just shrugged it off.

She let herself fall on their huge couch and zapped through the channels and ended up watching 'The Big Bang Theory' and actually laughing more than she expected.

Santana heard a door open from a room downstairs. She and her father still hadn't talked. And she thought about doing so now.

But she knew Carlos was drunk before he even fully entered the room.

"Is that blonde _slut_ finally gone?" He said with a huff and Santana immediately forgot the idea of _just talking_ to him.

"Don't call her that! She is the one who helped me through this. Unlike you." She said, trying to stay calm.

"I call her whatever I want, this is _my_ house! Why are _you_ just sitting around here lazily instead of doing something productive, Santana?" Her father said, walking closer to her.

She turned off the TV and looked at him incredulously. 'He's still able to construct a sentence. That means he didn't empty a whole bottle of whiskey, yet.' She thought to herself before answering.

"Thanks to Quinn and me this house looks how it looks, Dad. You were sitting depressively in your office, remember? Or is that all gone, thanks to the many bottles of alcohol you've emptied?"

Santana got up and took her bowl, to put it into the dishwasher.

"Listen, Dad. You're a little drunk. Why don't you go, lay down and sleep it off?" She said, realizing that having this conversation would do exactly zero effect on anything.

Santana walked up to her room and started looking for her first diary she wrote. She kneeled down and searched under her bed but she couldn't find it. When she turned around, her father was standing right in front of her.

She jumped and laughed nervously.

"What is it? You forgot where your room is?" She joked and continued fumbling around under her bed.

"No, Tana. You know something just became clear. The fact that the only reason your mother is _dead_, is _your_ outrageous behaviour towards me, and also her. She became exasperated with you. That's why she broke down in the end. You are a _failure_. It was too much. _You _were too much."

Santana didn't look at him. She didn't look at anything. The tears came up and she thought about the things her father had just said. And she didn't know what to answer.

He yanked her up to her feet by her hair and she groaned. He smacked her to the wall next to her bed and she fought, to no avail. With one hand he held both of her wrists and with the other he pushed her hip against the wall.

He was too strong, still Santana didn't give up.

"This is all _your_ fault! Because of _you_, we are broken!" He yelled at her, and she smelled a lot of alcohol.

She still tried to get away, but his grip was too forceful. She tried to kick but she didn't reach the places she aimed at.

He moved so close to her, she could see the barely visible wrinkles in his face.  
"If you tell _anyone_, and you don't do as I say... I will take your little girlfriend. That little whore does everyone, anyways, doesn't she?" He hissed in her ear and placed two kisses along her jaw.

Santana hated the way he spoke about Quinn.

"She's _not_ a _whore_, Dad!" She said with a shaky voice.

"Yes, she is. And so are you, but you are _my_ whore."

After he said that, he attacked her lips and she still hadn't given up in trying to turn away from him. She wanted to recoil but the wall behind her wouldn't allow it.

She was disgusted and she would have done anything to get away from him.

But his _threat_. It was the only thing keeping her from screaming and thrashing around.

He was still kissing her, running his tongue over her bottom lip.

She didn't respond, but his nails were digging into her waist and she gave in.

She felt his tongue run over hers. He moaned into her mouth.

He pulled off her jacket and her shirt, dragged her away from the wall and pushed her onto the bed. He straddled her and started kissing her again.

"One wrong movement or sound..."

He didn't continue.

She understood.

He moved down to Santana's collarbone, and bit hard enough to draw blood. He reveled in the way she tensed beneath him, obviously trying not to cry out.

He continued the biting and bruising and squeezing, and Santana knew he would leave his marks.

She stared at the ceiling. Fading out the noises he made, the pain he caused.

Then, there was another noise.

He pulled his zipper down.

She thought she'd faint there and then, but sadly her body didn't do her that favor.

He also pulled down Santana's pants and she was about to hit him, when she remembered Quinn.

So she begged.

"Papa, please... _Please_ don't."

He didn't answer.

So she prayed. Again, she prayed, but she knew it wouldn't help. _He_ wouldn't help.

And she gave up completely. She knew there was nothing to fight for anymore. It would only make things worse. Now she could try to do as little as possible to not enrage him.

To protect Quinn.

He slid himself against her and in an instant he was inside of her.

She whimpered.

Of course she knew the feeling, but it still was painful.

In a different way.

He pumped into her furiously.

She felt like she was splintering.

And soon enough she felt a tingling in her lower stomach. And she mentally cursed her body for being oversensitive.

Before she could really fight it, her body shuddered as he pushed her into an orgasm.

Now she was crying, frantically.

She felt dirty.

"Yeah, I knew you'd like that." He grunted.

Then she felt the warm fill her, flooding her inside.

He collapsed on top of her, and gave her kisses from the neck up to her mouth.

Then he got off of her, pulling his pants up and glancing at her one last time.

He didn't have to say the words anymore.

She understood.

Then he left.

He left her, broken like that.

She pulled her knees up to her chest and cried.

That's how she sat like, because she cried for her mom, for herself and also for Quinn.

Quinn, who was going to be there soon, and who shouldn't be suspecting _anything_.

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Thank you for reading, reviews and suggestions make happy and encourage. (:


	4. Hiding isn't that easy, at last

**Hey, so thank you guys so much for the reviews! I got really happy reading them. :) **  
**So, this is just a chapter in between, and I decided not to draw things out endlessly, because basically, I'm really bad at doing so. Now, I'm just thinking if I should bring a little relationship drama into this or just... not. Maybe you have suggestions.**

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_Santana was standing on the side of the huge football field. She was nervous, but also very excited because many people were there who knew her._

_But most importantly, her parents were there. They had never managed to stay and watch her practice. But today, they would finally see her._

_The little eight year old raven haired girl had been cheering for almost a year now, for the Lima football team. _

_She was one of the youngest to ever cheer at a huge play like this. The other girls her age were very jealous. _

_Santana always was the best cheerleader. And everyone told her so._

_Right before the game started, the little girl was starting to doubt that she could make it, and if she screwed up, everyone would see it._

_Her mom and dad got to watch from the cheerleader stands, and she ran over to them._

_"Mama, Papa, what if I don't make it? They will all laugh at me." She said with a pout._

_Maribel kneeled down in front of the little girl and took her hands._

_"Hey, Santanita, you know that if someone is going to make this, it's you. And even if you make a mistake, they won't care. We'll be standing here, cheering for __**you**__." She said and squeezed her hands reassuringly. _

_"Cree en ti mismo." Her father said, smiling and nodding at her._

_She smiled and ran back to the cheerleading squad. Knowing, that when her parents believed in her, she could also believe in herself. _

_The other cheerleaders encouraged her as well. _

_And when she was out there to cheer, she wasn't afraid anymore, and she did everything right._

_Afterwards everyone was proud of her and telling her how great she was. _

_The best thing was, her parents were proudest they'd ever been of her little daughter._

_And she felt good, she told herself, that's how she always wanted to feel._

**She became exasperated with you. You are a failure. You were too much.**

Her father's words came to her mind, and that's what woke her up from the semi-sleep she was in.

Or maybe it was the buzzing of her phone.

She read: "Hey, Tana. Hope you're ready for our shower together, belive me, I need it! I'll be there at seven. xoxo - Quinn"

Santana didn't dare looking at the clock, but eventually she had to do so.

_6:15_

"Goddamnit!" She hissed and attempted to get up.

But of course, her whole body ached, badly. Way worse than a whole day of hardcore cheerleading practice.

So she stayed in her bed and thought of what to do.

She couldn't tell Quinn, but how would she hide it from her?

And by showering now, she would wash away the only evidence she had, to maybe move in on him.

But with him having it in for Quinn, there was nothing she could do.

Santana tried to get up again, this time slower. She felt every single inch of her body hurting.

Mostly she felt the stinging between her legs and she bit her lip, to keep from crying out.

She felt more like kicking herself, but it wouldn't have done any good. She could have just _done_ something. She could have run away, and told Quinn to not get near him, not even into sniffing distance.

She walked into the bathroom and froze when she looked into the mirror. She hadn't expected it to look that bad.

_"Oh god."_

She whispered and looked her body over. Her whole body were different colors. Her wrists, neck, breasts, hips and thighs were full of bruises and bite marks. She could clearly see prints of his fingers trailing along her ribcage and upper arms.

_Now_ she felt like crying again, but she bit it back.

She went into the shower and scrubbed every inch of her body at least three times, trying not to hurt herself too much during the process.

She thought it would make her feel better. But it didn't, she still felt fucked up.

After putting on her clothes, she checked which bruises still were visible. The ones on her wrist and the ones her - small but still existing - cleavage allowed visibility to.

She started applying make up over those places and they were hidden perfectly. The same worked out with her wrists.

When she was done, she smiled. But it felt fake, and worse, it looked fake. While staring at her lips she noticed, they also didn't look like Quinn had left them in the morning.

After applying some lip balm, she hoped her girlfriend wouldn't notice. She laughed when she repeated that sentence.

Her girlfriend not noticing. -Yeah, right.

She sat down on her bed again and saw she had five minutes left, so she decided to make a list in her head what and more important, what _not_ to do.

_Talk normal, don't seem depressed, in any way._

_Don't let her get too close, she could see something._

_Also, too close could mean touching._

_Touching would mean her touching the bruises, which means pain._

_Pain means involuntary flinching._

_Which equals a highly suspicious Quinn, and we don't want that._

The doorbell rang and Santana walked downstairs, taking a deep breath she opened the door, seeing her girlfriend smiling happily.

She walked inside and gave Santana a welcome kiss. The dark-haired girl drew back too early and Quinn grimaced.

The blonde's face fell even more, when she saw that Santana had already showered.

While taking off her coat and shoes, she asked

"Did you shower already? I thought you wanted us so badly to take one together..."

That's when Santana realized she'd forgotten a really important thing. A story.

"Well, you know, I was... uhm, carrying some boxes upstairs, and I... I f-fell. I fell down the stairs. That's why my lip looks messed up, also." She nodded. "Yeah, and I was sweating and I couldn't wait, really."

"You really do need a bodyguard, don't you? But you're alright, aren't you?" When Santana nodded, she continued "What boxes, anyways?"

"Just some... o-old boxes with papers in them. Carlos wanted them in his office." Santana couldn't use _dad. _And she hoped she'd buy it.

"Okay, well, but you can join me, again, can't you?" She asked hoping the other girl would say yes.

Apparently the look on Santana's face said enough, because Quinn nodded.

"Alright, I'll go myself then. But you'll have to make that up in cuddling tonight."

The blonde said before walking up with Santana behind her.

'_Perfect.'_ Santana thought to herself.

Quinn disappeared in the bathroom and the exhausted girl collapsed on her bed and cuddled into a pillow as much as possible and silently cried into it, and kept an ear on the shower.

She didn't really want to cry. It wasn't even hysterical crying. The tears just ran down her face.

When she didn't hear the shower anymore, she sat down, flattening herself against the bedpost.

Quinn came out of the shower and placed her clothes perfectly folded on the dresser.

Then she sat down next to her girlfriend and laid her hand lightly on her thigh. Santana was staring down at Quinn's hand and fully concentrated on _not_ to wince.

"How was your day?"

The dark-haired girl just shrugged and sighed.

"How was your meeting?"

She hoped there was more to tell. But unfortunately, there wasn't.

"Boring, just boring people, nothing special. I would have rather been with you,"

_"Believe me, me too..."_ Santana said, barely whispering while Quinn already went on.

"and basically that's it. Like I said, nothing special."

This was harder than Santana thought, not just the 'distracting' part, but also the 'keeping it together' one. Quinn was the only one who she had opened up to. Not being able to talk, really hurt.

She fake yawned and rubbed her eyes.

"Man, I'm really tired, I don't know why. Would you mind going to sleep already?"

The blonde raised her eyebrows.

"It's eight-thirty, Santana..." But when she didn't answer, she sighed. "Alright."

Santana moved her head over to give a kiss to the blonde, who placed her hands on Santana's waist.

Not hard, but hard enough to make her remember what was there. Hard enough to make her _flinch_.

That one move that probably screwed up everything - and while 'everything' wasn't being that believable anyways, this was bad.

Quinn slowly took her hands away and looked at Santana questioning.

"What was that?"

"What was what?" Santana tried, unsuccessfully.

"You just gave a jerk to me touching you...?" Her voice was calm but also suspecting.

"Yeah, maybe I also hit my hip, while falling, you know?"

"Okay, well let me see if it bruised, maybe you should go to a hospital, just to check."

Quinn already tried to get to Santana's shirt, which made her nervous and angry.

"Just stop it! I'm alright, I just want to sleep, is that too much to ask?" Santana said aloud.

The blonde immediately drew her hands back and nodded once.

"Alright, sleep. I'm not that tired, yet. I'll read."

Santana laid to her side, the pain was there, but she didn't want to face the blonde right now.

And that's how they stayed.

Quinn looking into her book, not really reading. Thinking about what was wrong with Santana. If it was just PMS or something else. If she did something wrong or something happened while she wasn't there.

Santana laying, closing her eyes, but not really sleeping. Thinking about how awful Quinn must have felt. If she'd soon have to tell her or she could keep the secret. And _If_ she found out, what would happen?

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Thank you for reading :) I appreciate each and every one of you.


	5. Sooner or later - The sooner the better

**Here is chapter five. Thank you all for reading and reviewing, you keep me motivated. Otherwise I would have given up writing already. So, really, thanks for everything. :)**

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_Santana was standing in their hallway, not quite sure what she was doing there. Suddenly she is in her room, seeing herself, being hit against the wall and pushed on the bed._

_She walked closer to the bed, standing right next to it, not daring to help the weeping girl._

_She stood there during the whole process and noticed things she had apparently shut out the moment it happened. _

_He told her that she smelled like her mother and how beautiful she looked, as beautiful as __**her**__._

_She had trouble keeping quiet, but she didn't know what would have happened if she said something. It was not real, after all, not at this moment._

_She nearly lost it when he was inside of her. She cringed._

**_Maybe because of the pained, look on her own face._**

**_Maybe she couldn't see herself weak and helpless like that._**

**_Or maybe because it was her father who was on top of her, doing these things to her._**

_When he was done, she sat down beside the broken girl, and watched her crying. _

_Knowing exactly what she was thinking before falling asleep._

_'Was it really my fault?'_

Santana woke up, feeling sweaty and her throat was hurting. She heard Quinn's voice clearly now.

"Baby, wake up! Santana!"

The raven haired girl collected her thoughts and opened her eyes to look at Quinn, her hazel eyes wide open with shock and fear.

_'I screwed up, bigtime.'_ Santana thought to herself while it dawned on her what had actually happened.

She pushed herself up into a sitting position, taking in a sharp breath when her arms hurt while tensing up her muscles.

Santana noticed Quinn clenched her book, which means she didn't even sleep yet. So whatever she had done or said in her sleep, she must've witnessed it.

What she hadn't noticed, was that her shirt had slid up while trying to get comfortable. Quinn was staring at the exposed skin which was basically a multi-colored canvas.

"What _happened_?" The blonde's voice sounded shallow and empty.

The dark-haired girl straightened her shirt and reflexively checked the door to make sure her father wasn't there.

Her head was spinning. She didn't know how to start, what to say or how to explain. Nothing ever seemed so hard to her before.

"I-I'm so sorry..." Her eyes were glued to a picture of her mother and her, not sure if she was talking to herself, her mother or Quinn.

Quinn was brought back to reality after Santana broke the silence and she didn't understand.

"What are you apologizing for?" When there wasn't any answer, she hesitantly asked.

"Did... Did your _dad_ do this?"

"Would a dad do something like that?" She said whispering.

The blonde silently shook her head no.

Quinn still didn't really understand. Of course she knew something bad must have happened - she also figured _what_. She didn't buy Santana's story earlier. But she just didn't understand why and how.

"If you're asking if it was Carlos? Yes. But since _dad_ is a term of endearment, I will not use it anymore, because what he did was sure as hell _not_ endearing." Her voice was lifeless, so was her look.

"Santana, look at me. Please." The blonde answered. It was a sedate plea. She knew if she went somewhere near urging something out of her, Santana would have shut down entirely.

Santana met beautiful hazel eyes, filled with tears. "Do you want to tell me?" Quinn asked.

The latina nodded, not knowing what would happen. But she knew she'd do everything to keep her girlfriend safe.

Quinn found the dark-haired girl's hand and interlaced their fingers, stroking the back of Santana's hand with her thumb.

"In the morning I was watching TV and my father came out of his office, drunk..." Santana told the blonde the whole story, from the beginning to the very end, leaving out the part where he was threatening to hurt Quinn. She didn't want her, of all people, to feel guilty after all.

Quinn was sorely shocked, even that's understated. But she tried keeping it together, because she wasn't the one supposed to be breaking down.

"I'm sorry I wasn't there. I'm not going to leave you alone with him anymore, and we'll try to get you out of here as soon as possible. He will never hurt you again, I promise." The blonde sobbed while lightly hugging Santana.

"It's not your fault, Quinn. Just try to not leave me anymore." Santana nodded, but also panicked. Whatever Quinn was planning on doing, it would be a risqué thing. _If he found out..._

"I won't. But, first of all, we have to go to the hospital and report that..." Quinn clenched her teeth at the thought of him.

"I don't think it is going to work anymore, I showered."

"Santana, _please_. We have to go to the hospital. Your bruises need medical care, because from what I saw, this has to be taken care of. And... pregnancy test..." Quinn said the last part more quietly than before.

The dark-haired girl looked like she was hit between the eyes. With all of her panicking from before, she forgot she could be pregnant.

She wasn't going to answer.

"Santana, do you agree with me? Will you come to the hospital? I will drive."

The latina just blankly nodded and Quinn got off the bed, and was fast propping the still startled girl up.

"You need to change. Shall I help you?"

Again a nod from Santana. There were two things going through her head. _'What if he finds out?'_ and _'What if I'm pregnant?'_ and also, which would be worse.

They stood in the bathroom and Quinn had grabbed a loose shirt and some sweats.

"Alright, I'll change your clothes now. If you want me to stop, or I hurt you, just hit me or do something to tell me to stop. I will."

Moving slowly, she started carefully pulling off her long-sleeved shirt. When she had tossed it aside, Quinn hardly noticed she was staring at Santana's abused torso.

Santana cleared her throat and brought Quinn back. The blonde quietly excused herself and slipped a loose shirt over the latina's head and made sure she was as gentle as possible.

She kneeled down and pulled Santana's pyjama pants off, and sliding the sweats on. That went a bit faster, but still not quite fast enough for her to miss the bruises on her girlfriend's upper thighs.

Quinn changed into a shirt and a jeans herself before she grabbed her and Santana's things and lead the dark-haired girl down the stairs to take on shoes and a jacket.

They got into the car and started driving to the hospital.

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Thanks, you guys! Please review, it would be very nice. :)


	6. I'm going to kill him

**Hi, thank you guys so much for all the lovely reviews and follows and favorites and I want to say a special thanks to a guest crystalclear, who had great ideas for the upcoming chapters. I will definitely include those somehow. So, yeah, I was really tired writing this, so, sorry if it's not that great. ._.**

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The drive seemed endless, even though it only was a ten minute drive from Santana's house.

The first five minutes neither of the girls talked, though Santana felt the blonde's eyes on her every few seconds.

"What if I'm pregnant?" Santana hissed, staring out of the window.

Quinn lightly placed one hand on Santana's thigh with the aim of calming her down. But Santana flinched minimally, causing her to draw her hand back immediately.

"Sorry..." They muttered at the same time.

"Don't apologize... It's not your fault." She started "But what I was about to say is, that whatever happens, however you may decide in the event of a pregnancy, I will be there for you. And I'll support you in every possible way."

Quinn had to park at the opposite side of the huge parking lot, so they had quite a bit to walk.

"Come on, I'll hold you up..." The blonde said, cautiously slipping a hand around Santana's waist, trying not to touch the bruised spots.

"It's okay, Quinn. And thanks." Santana said, leaning on her girlfriend a little more.

"It certainly is _not_ okay, Santana. I saw the bruises, they looked really bad." Her voice simultaneously sounding shaky and as cold as ice.

The latina laughed nervously and earned a glance from Quinn.

"You'd be surprised at how my visible damage pales in comparison to how screwed up I am emotionally."

And even though the way Santana said it, sounded very nonchalant and Quinn had actually no idea what was going on in her head, because she hadn't talked about her emotions and feelings much, she knew it was deadly serious.

When they got in, the receptionist greeted them and immediately got a nurse to 'handle' this.

The nurse was a small ginger, in her mid twenties. She was really nice and didn't ask too many questions. She just asked them if she should consult the police, so Santana could press charges.

Quinn looked at Santana who had no idea what to do. But before she thought much into it, she nodded and the nurse quickly made a phone call.

"Alright, Miss Lopez, when you're ready, we'd like to do the rape kit, alright?" Santana nodded again and slowly walked behind the nurse.

"I'll be waiting here." Quinn said, sitting down and watching Santana walking into the exam room.

Not ten minutes later, a nurse came out of the exam room.

"Excuse me, Mrs. Fabray?"

Quinn nodded at her.

"Mrs. Lopez is refusing to cooperate. She seems frightened, would you mind coming into the exam room?"

The blonde immediately stood and followed the nurse. In the room she saw now three nurses. And Santana sitting on the exam table, with her arms crossed and head lowered, looking like an upset little girl.

She wore a green medical gown and was visibly feeling uncomfortable.

When she saw Quinn, she spoke up, not minding the nurses in the room.

"Hey." She smiled at the blonde. "They already took pictures... But now they want to, uhm... I-It's just..."

Quinn slowly walked to her girlfriend and took her hand.

"Just, hold my hand..." She said, her voice sounding unsure.

Santana hesitated for a few seconds and then laid back. The nurse pulled Santana's legs up to rest them on the stirrups.

From this moment, Quinn tried to only focus on Santana and their interlaced fingers and Santana was staring at the ceiling, trying not to panic.

The white room was making Quinn insane. It was bright and there was nothing colorful in this room. Quinn heard many things, she couldn't tell what they were, and in all honesty, she didn't want to know. When she heard something metallic being lifted up and clattering slightly, she held her breath and waited for Santana's reaction.

She heard a sharp intake of breath and she felt how Santana's whole body tensed up. And when Quinn felt her hand being squeezed, she pressed their hands closer to herself and hoped this would be over soon.

Santana got pills and the nurse explained which were for what. Quinn heard 'Morning-After Contraception' and 'Blood sample, because STDs and saw Santana faintly nodding and taking the pills.

When everything was over, Santana got some spare clothes and got led into an office which was now used as an interrogation room.

This time Quinn sat with her from the beginning. There were two police officers, a man and a women. The woman was talking.

"Hello, I'm detective Bowman and this is detective Todd. You must be Santana and Quinn, right?" When the two girls nodded their heads lightly, she went on.

"Well, Santana, would you please describe what happened honestly and as accurately as possible?"

After Santana told the whole story once again, detective Bowman asked questions, which Santana had no problems answering.

When the woman asked "Why didn't you defend yourself?" Santana was suddenly more than scared again. She asked her again, and the dark-haired girl nervously looked around the room and stopped at Quinn who gave her a questioning look. "Would you please answer my question, Santana?"

"I... He, well... He threatened me..." She stammered while searching for her girlfriend's hand under the table.

"How exactly did he threaten you?"

"He said he'd hurt Quinn." She said in a small voice and looked down at her lap.

The questions went on for about fifteen minutes and Santana knew that Quinn would be blaming herself. And that was exactly what she didn't need right now.

They said goodbye to the detectives who said they'd call after they get the laboratory findings and consulted with the D.A.

The nurse also told them they'd call as soon as they hear something from the laboratory, especially regarding pregnancy.

They walked to the car again, and yet again there was a deathly silence. As soon as they sat into the car Quinn sighed "I swear to god, I will kill him, Santana..."

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Thanks for reading, guuyysseee :) Appreciate each and every reader.


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